The rules for Success & Happiness

New Year is generally a time for introspection & resolutions; the latter many a times last but only for a few days, if lucky, while the unlucky ones enjoy only some fleeting moments of fame. You need not always wait for the onset of the new year to herald a good practice; did Kabir not say” Kal kare so aaj kar; Aaj kare so ab”?

In a Harvard study spread over 75 years, starting 1938, on 724 men, 80% started with the notion that wealth determines happiness while another 50% felt it was fame.. The conclusions of the study, based on a sequential yearly feedback on health, home life & work, not surprisingly, are different.
(1)Good close relationships keep us happier & healthier; stronger social connections - Family, Friends, Community - are good for ensuring that people are healthier & live longer.
(2)Loneliness is toxic. People who lead isolated lives experience health declines earlier during midlife, their brain function declines faster & they live shorter lives.Unfortunately 1 in every 5 Americans is lonely.
(3)You can be lonely in a marriage or a crowd; therefore, quality of relationships matter. High conflicts marriages are definitely worse off for health than a divorce. A person's happiness in a relationship at 50 determines health at 80.  Else emotional pain enhances physical pain.
(4)Great relationships not only protect bodies but also the brains. If you are in a secured relationship in your 80's, your memories stay sharper & longer. This does not mean the absence of bickerings but as long as the couple believe that they can count on the other when the going got tough, the arguments did not take a toll on their memories.

Given below are 6 sutras which could be attempted to achieve happiness which ultimately determines success; the sequencing is deliberate for research proves that happiness determines success & not the other way round. Donald Nielson once said "Success can be fleeting. Don't let it define you. Friends & Family become increasingly important as you grow older. Make sure you cultivate them when you are young. Happiness is the best measure of success"

Take care of health

Do people live at a house? They do but more importantly, they live in their bodies first. Paradoxically, while a clean, Vastu compliant, furnished villa is what everybody dreams off, a similar care is missing while taking care of ones’ body & soul. Unhappiness, disease & death are logical consequences; while mortality is an immutable law of nature, one can delay the inevitable with care. There is a link between health, happiness & success. Health is a consequence of a good sleep hygiene, eating good food & regular exercise.

Control your diet & exercise regularly. Reduce carbohydrate intake & go for a brisk walk for 30 minutes daily as a starting point to avoid an unhealthy lifestyle. A more rigorous one hour of daily exercises can commence later. Needless to say, do whatever is needed, even (an apple a day) to keep the doctors away.

Spend time with family

In this fast paced world, it is advisable that all members of a family should have at least the dinner together. Many of the double income families find that a lofty aim leading to complications later. The children feeling neglected could seek comfort elsewhere. Remember that ultimately that you are only as happy as your saddest child.

Not children alone, elderly parents too feel neglected. Today you have money but no time & hence parents who seek the latter feel abandoned. Spend time with them & answer their sometimes senile questions with the same warmth that they displayed while answering yours during your toddler years. Remember: it is more important to be kind than right while dealing with them; needless to say they deserve your respect & time too.

Replace screen time with people time

Technological advances have ensured that we are constantly exposed to at least one of the 4 screens in our lives: TV at home, Mobile while out of home, Laptop at offices & perhaps Cinema screens during weekends.  It is widely acknowledged that millennials are facing social issues; for all their brilliance in showcasing themselves on social media, they end up showing withdrawal symptoms while meeting up people in person.  The Tinder generation seeks instant gratification both personally & professionally.  This disease is spreading rapidly to non-millenials too with greater technological diffusion.

The high that people realize while being associated with liquor, cigarettes or sex is what people achieve in the proximity of screens today.  Making comparisons with friends or relatives on social media is pushing many into the depths of depression.  Remember that the lives of people are not as happy & great as reflected on social media & it is unwise to make comparisons & regress to the squalor of despair. Reduce your exposure to the 4 screens & meet up face to face with your friends instead. Your emotional quotient would see a steady rise & personal & professional success is a logical consequence.  Always remember that EQ (Emotional Quotient) is more important than IQ (Intelligence quotient); unfortunately, our education system focuses on the latter.

Avoid thinking on issues you cannot control

Hindu philosophy ordained: Karm kar; Phal Ki Aasha mat kar. Do your job to the best of your ability & leave the rest to destiny.  Another one: If you want something badly & you get it, good; if not, don’t get depressed for it portends that you are destined for something better. On initial scan these statements to an ambitious person look defeatist but experiences in life shall prove otherwise. 

It is foolish to break your head on issues you have no control on. Say, you bid for a contract after getting all the information available in the public domain. Blaming oneself after failing to secure the tender is a waste of mind resources if you have given your best shot. If the winner was helped by insider information, which you lacked, it is foolish to cry over spilt milk. If your ethics permit you to seek insider information, do so the next time; else, happily keep your values intact & move on. Needless to say, the latter is always preferable.

A student studies to the best of his ability & secures 80% in the board exam & sulks that his efforts have not borne fruit.  He needn’t traverse such a path if he has given his best shot. Either he appreciates that his standard is at 80% & lives happily ever after with that revelation or should start believing in the dictum “Life is 1% inspiration & 99% perspiration” & start putting in more effort to get to 90%. Either way it is time to move on.

You are the average of the people you surround yourself with

If you surround yourself with mediocre people you might exult with the experienced kick of being a one eyed king in the land of the blind. Many enjoy such adulation & regress downhill. Surround yourself with excellence instead, to enhance your standards.   It is probable that you capability is seen as low & some of the groups associated with excellence deny you entry. Try to befriend people better than you as a starting point & eventually walk up the ladder for excellence is not an exclusive domain which can prevent entry to the capable & persistent.  Some forces can only delay the inevitable.

Off course, always stay away from toxic people & if your judgement has deceived you, give up on them without delay.  Remember toxicity could rub off on you too.

Give back to society

India is a deeply religious society; isn’t it paradoxical that our relationship with our gods is transactional? We promise to drop offerings in the hundi in lieu of sins forgiven or boons granted.  While the latter is a matter of faith, the former seems atrocious. It would be preferable to lead an exemplary life & give back to society for none of us would carry the wealth accumulated during our lifetime. If you do not want to give away your wealth to charity unlike Warren Buffet or Bill Gates, you could promise to donate your organs, instead, when dead. Start small; spare some time for an NGO – in the health or education sector - as a starting point.

These 6 sutras, if followed diligently, surely, shall reduce the stress in your lives & that would act as a steroid to propel you to greater happiness & success.  Ultimately, leave the world a much better place than what you inherited.