Life-Sutra: Small Mistakes; Large Consequences

While traversing through the journey of life we are prone to commit mistakes-willingly sometimes, unwittingly many a times; learning from our follies help us evolve into fine, successful individuals. It is pertinent to note that an intelligent person learns from the mistakes of others, a normal one learns from his own while an idiot does neither. Suffice to say that there is no shortage of idiots in this world.

The following mistakes are generally committed

Unwilling to seek help: If something is incomprehensible, logic demands that we seek the help of a knowledgeable personal, if not an expert, to understand the nuances. However, ego prevents us from seeking help leading to disastrous consequences. A student who does not understand certain maths concepts is wary of raising a query in class fearing guffaws of fellow classmates. A professional, in a company, when faced with doubts, fears to tread to his superior’s cabin fearing rejection or worse still assuming that revelation of his ignorance shall effect his annual rating. The protagonists, in both the cases, either try to clear their doubts through self-study - which is no doubt fine but time consuming - or worse still slip the same under the carpet to be dusted & discovered at a later date.

Just as a building with a weak foundation collapses, so does a student or a professional unwilling to seek clarity. There is a Telugu proverb that says “Even a mother does not serve food, unless asked”. Therefore ask; shun shyness & fear of rejection & seek conceptual clarity immediately to help develop thought leadership.

Love thy profession; not money: In India a person who is neither an engineer nor a doctor is considered either “lacking in ambition” or worse still “useless”. Because of peer pressure, it is parents, mostly, who decide on a child’s career rather than allowing them the freedom to make informed choices. Such unilateral actions are courtesy parents’ unfulfilled ambitions which they are intent on achieving through their kids. In this ring fight between parental thought and a child’s ambitions, the former wins. The child’s compromise could be due to the lack of financial freedom; after all unlike the west where children move out of the home nests faster, children in India feast on at their parents’ incomes much longer.

It is not uncommon to see a kid interested in History being prodded to become a doctor while a student interested in geography systematically brain washed into becoming an engineer. Kids grow up to take up sub optimal careers which give them neither personal happiness nor growth. They fail professionally in their bid to make their parents happy. Unsatisfactory careers, coupled with the pressure to perform, in a competitive setting, in an area where they lack interest and perhaps expertise too leads to disastrous results which includes ill health as a consequence of stress.

Therefore, make your subject of interest your career, conscious of the fact that it is only a matter of time before your expertise draws money.

Don’t delay marriage seeking perfection:. In this age, people seek better halves who are professionally qualified with a high pay package to ensure financial security, beautiful or handsome as the case may be to seek conjugal bliss & high profile in-laws to seek stature & social mobility.  In this materialistic world there are many who believe that “born to a poor father is destiny while selection of a poor father-in-law is a poor choice”. Research into social mores has revealed the dark secret that delay in marriages today is due to a ceaseless quest for seeking a perfect partner; needless to say a person gets a complete package only rarely.

Late marriages have the unintended consequence of a drop in fertility leading to the lack of progeny which creates its own cycle of emotional, financial-courtesy visits to fertility clinics- & social stresses. Delay in child birth has its own after effects too. If a person marries at 35 & begets kids at 40, he is forced to work till 65-willingly or unwillingly-since Indian parents believe it is their responsibility to settle their children comfortably. Professionals who confidently convey their dream of “retiring by 40” gets their dreams quashed by this sudden brush with reality. Reality, indeed, bites.

Therefore marry between the ages of 25-30 after finishing your education & while cruising in your career. Since you are at an entry levels in an organization you have sufficient time at your disposal to spend with your better half, helping both to grow together emotionally & financially. You shall have your kids on time too. Later on in life, in your mid 30’s when you are well ensconced in middle management & potentially short of time you shall presumably have a more understanding better half.

Take feedback seriously: As individuals we shun feedback unless it is a praise of our virtues. This is largely a consequence of low emotional intelligence. A man bred in a patriarchal society does not give due credence to the feedback of his spouse  which incidentally has the potential of creating a cohesive family; born in a hierarchical society makes a person unwilling to elicit or worse still not listen to the  feedback of his subordinates. In a society distraught with “shortage of talent” it is important to carry the view that a superior is unbiased in his judgement & hence work ceaselessly on ones shortcomings. In short get prepared to take continuous feedback & strive incessantly to become “the complete man”- to make Raymond proud.

The sutras listed above are by no means comprehensive or exhaustive but working on the same shall help in redressing a majority of the problems faced by modern youth thereby helping redefine our society.